Just not myself...

Lately things seem to be a little dull. I am in this horrible funk. I just can't seem to get out of it. It has been going on for the past few months and I think I finally pin pointed the problem. I am home sick. Very home sick. Once I came to realization with that and we decided to move back home, things have gotten better and slowly, very slowly the funk is starting to fade... Thank goodness. It is so weird to look in the mirror and see yourself, but feel like a stranger inside. I found it to be almost disturbing. I tried and tried for months to come up with reason's why I could possibly feel this way. I became this negative person who was always complaining and bitching about everything. (Not me at all) I had no desire to do anything, and normal day to day "chores" that had never bothered me before turned into a pain and sometimes pushed to the side.. Of course I did what I had to. Layla and Ryder were still taken care of, but I was defiantly not the Mommy I should have been or really am at that. I found myself getting angry over nothing really and absolutely no patience at all. I know Ryder is really to young to notice, but Layla could tell. I noticed me not being happy and myself, made Layla unhappy and not herself. Both are things that I am not ok with. Not to mention I know Josh is feeling the change in me to. I hear things like "Your moody" more than I ever had before. So with the light at the end of the tunnel brightening up knowing that we are moving back home in a few months and the fact that I have now realized that I am basically loosing my mind I have decided that it now stops. That I need to snap out of it and get back to the Maddison I know. The Mommy Layla and Ryder need and the girl that Josh fell in love with. I am always the first one to jump in and give advice to my friends when they are down, and when I hear it coming out of my mouth it sounds so good. So right. Almost common sense. So why is it so hard for me to do it? Why is it always that it is easy to tell someone else what they need to do or what they should do, but when it comes to yourself it is one of the hardest things?... Some days I can't help but feel that us moving here was a mistake. I try not to look at it that way, and I keep trying to find a positive. I know that I will eventually, just can't shake the negativity. Anyways, this post will probably bore anyone besides myself. It was something I felt like I needed to write. Something I needed to almost "Admit" I guess. I am hoping that this will help me get back to myself. I am done being the lazy,boring,emotional,grumpy person I have been the past few months. I am ready to be me again... 

XXOO