A place to call home

I feel like I have taken all I can, and these next few months are going to be a huge challenge for me and when I get through them I am going to be a much stronger person. I have never really had this feeling before. This feeling like I don't have a place to call home. Yes, I do have a place to sleep at night. But it is no home. It is a horrible feeling  when you feel like you are not wanted somewhere, but you have no where else to go. I literally feel stuck. Worst of all, I feel like a I deserve a big fail in the Mom department. I know I didn't move here knowing that this situation would be one of the worst I have put myself in, and I know Josh didn't either. I hate this feeling. This helpless feeling. I am the type that when I want something or need something done I do it. I get it done, no matter what. In this situation I am helpless. Unless I could magically make it May, which we all know I can not so I guess I am stuck. I know we could be a lot worse off, and don't get me wrong I am greatful we have a place to stay. It's just too much has been said that can't be taken back, and I can't help but feel unwanted. Like my family and I are a burden. I get up every day telling myself (literally out loud I say this) "Be happy,you are not stuck here forever,think positive,think about Layla and Ryder and be strong for them!"  I am trying to make the best of the next few months and I keep in mind that we are not the only people who are feeling a little uneasy with the current situation. Just when it seems like it will all be ok and the next few months will fly, out comes another comment that brings me back down.  I have tried really hard to not think of this as the biggest mistake we could have made, but I can't help it. I really think it was. I have tried to think of something, anything, that was positive about this and I draw a blank..... All I can say is that I can not wait to get back to SLC. I will never take all the little things I miss for granite ever again. Oh wait, there you go a positive. I will not take all the little things I use to for granite. :) Well and of course the time the kids have gotten to spend with Grandparents. That was a given though. I will be so happy to buy a house, and make it our own. Make it a home for our family. Get back to my "normal" self and our life. Oh, geez. I will be happy when I have happy post again. I am getting sick of all this gloomy,depressing, blah blah.

XXOO